I worked at Subway...part 1.

So when I was 16 I worked at Subway for about 6 months. It was quite honestly the worst job I have ever had. My friends hot moms would come in and order the same thing, every time. ALL OF THEM! Every single one of these ladies ordered the same sandwich, a 6" turkey on wheat with lettuce, tomato, black olive, the shakes(salt/pepper and oregano), then oil and vinegar. What the fuck!?! How bland do you want your food? FUCK THAT SHIT!!! I will never understand how some of the hottest women(yes, I love older women...I'm not apologizing for that) can eat such garbage. Annnnyyyywayyyyyyy I wasn't eating meat when I worked there, I do now. This sammich still kills it.

So you take 6" of your favorite Subway bread, I like wheat but follow your heart with your bread, wheat is my favoritest.......

You take that bread and LOAD it up with white American cheese, you have the dude put 3 layers on that bread, 3 solid layers! Normal double cheese plus one more layer. If you skip this step you might as well just put ham on this bitch and call it a day...you MUST put 3 layers on this guy, I assure you it's worth the extra $0.50.

So, lots of cheese then you put a thin layer of lettuce on that delicious white stuff, the lettuce should be thin enough to see bits of white through the nice leafy green layer. Don't have the dude put too much lettuce on this sammich or you will be a little bummed. I love the leafy greens a whole bunch, but you can overdo it...don't be a douche, don't overdo it.

OH SHIT! I totally forgot the most important part, have the dude put a veggie patty in the oven! Do it now, don't wait until the end. If you wait, you will be super pissed when the rest of your sandwich is all ready and you are waiting for that fucking veggie patty, so just do it now. There is nothing worse than waiting for the guy to cook your patty while the rest of your delicious sammich is sitting on the cutting board. He will start working on the next sammich, and you will be super bummed. By the time you get that fucker(and he is a fucker) to work on your shit again the patty will be cold and you will have lost your window of awesome...so do it right.

Back to the shit that you are putting under the patty...have the dude put a LOT of green peppers on that fucker. A LOT of them! Use more green peppers than you would use in a salad to feed 5 people, a SHITTON of green peppers. The stack of peppers should be thicker than the veggie patty. You are probably going to bum him out with the amount of peppers he will be putting on there, he might even charge you an extra dollar...it's fucking worth it!

If the veggie patty isn't ready by now just bullshit the dude like you are trying to make up your mind about he should do next. Don't do anything else until the patty is ready! When he pulls that delicious slab of pressed veggies out of the convection oven and puts that little guy on your sammich, you should ask him to immediately put the shakes on there(Subway doesn't have microwaves, they only have convection ovens[google convection v. microwave if you don't know why this rules]). You need to have him add the shakes while the patty is still super hot b/c the patty will suck in those spices better while hot than cold. At the end of this whole ordeal have the dude put a LIGHT spray of oil on the bread. DO NOT PUT ANY VINEGAR ON THIS SAMMICH!!!

I feel that Lemonade or Sprite go best with this creation but feel free to experiment with the drink of your liking.

So, who wants to buy me lunch tomorrow?