The fuck it sandwich

I know that Nick and I talked about this one while we were wasted, we both wanted to do it really really badly, but I got to it first. SUCK IT!

To make a really good fuck it sammich you have to be slightly depressed and pretty fucked up. I just made one, and I'm both slightly depressed and i took a few vicodin so I'm also pretty fucked up. I ususally don't want to eat on vicodin but I felt like puking so I had to. It was just one of those days, the sun didn't come out, it had been raining for a couple days, I had the day off and a handful of pills...

If you don't know, a fuck it sandwich is when you open the fridge and just start grabbing shit. You don't care what the fuck you are putting on it, or how it is going to taste. Most of the time, it isn't the best thing ever, but every so often it rules so fucking hard. I'm going to make a new tag for these awesome accidents and will post one up when I find something rad.

So my most recent fuck it included the following items, rye bread, peanut butter, leftover pork roast, and apple sauce. Yep.

I pulled them all out of the fridge, and spread a light layer of peanut butter over the bread, then just cut up some pork and slathered the whole thing in apple sauce. It probably would have been way way better with some wheat bread but rye was all we had....

It seriously fucking ruled! Try it.

the unhealthy choice

On the other hand, sometimes its really nice to spit in the face of your non-carnivorous friends and get down on some gnar bucket servings of meat. My roommate Pat took to this method the other night and made the following. First he fried up a little bit of bacon in a pan, but kept it semi loose. Then he wrapped said bacon around some left over hot dogs and grilled 'em up all nice and plump on our neighbors grill. My grill has gotten kind of dirty, so rather than clean it we just steal from the other tenants in the building. People where walking by and definitely getting bummed. Then we used sliced bread for a bun (this totally qualifies it as a sandwich in my book.) Ideally we wanted to throw some BBQ sauce on there, but we were out of that too, so brown mustard won us over. It was delicious and even the veggie dudes were salivating like Pavlov's dogs. Meat wins again!

oops / the healthy choice

It looks like peanut butter and jelly week is turning into peanut butter and jelly month, due to the fact that there's more important things to do than sit around on the internet writing about food we made when we were drunk. Choke on it.

This following sandwich is good for a bind, especially if its late, you're lit up and you have a vegetarian friend over. First, don't even bother looking at the jelly, cause yer not gonna use it. Get some whole wheat bread, peanut butter, a banana, and some honey. Do I even need to go any further with this? Slice the banana, stick it in the p butter and drown it in honey. Smack the bread together and wash it down with some ice cold 1% milk. Everyone involved will be stoked. That shit rules and won't make you feel like killing yourself when you reflect on it the next morning. I'm pretty sure Mark Gonzales makes this sandwich in a skate video, but I can't remember which one. Also, I'm really fucking bored right now. FTW.

PBJ&B

I'm a really big fan of putting other stuff on my PB&Js. Be it, chips or fruit or cereal(coco puffs are amazing!). I am always looking for new things to put on the most basic of sandwiches. One night, while I was living in LA and sleeping on my Uncles couch, I had a late night PBJ craving. After realizing that he had some really fancy oat nut bread and organic peanut butter, I realized I would have to unhealthy this sammich up in a hurry, b/c to be honest, I don't eat these sandwiches b/c they are healthy. I eat them b/c they are fatty, salty and really tasty. After searching the refrigerator I found a half wheel of Brie Cheese! FUCKING JACKPOT!!!!

So I grabbed the peanuty good stuff, jelly and that wheel of brie and went to work. I really like crunchy peanut butter, but I understand when people are pussies and like the creamy shit...fags. After smearing one side with jelly, I took the other side of the bread and coated that fucker with peanut butter. I like to use about 4 tablespoonfuls worth of peanut butter b/c I'm a man and I can handle a bit more than the jar recommends. Next I cut some pretty thick slices out of that wheel o brie and threw them on the peanut butter side....fucking rad!

I decided that I wanted the brie heated a little bit, so I put the sandwich on the George Forman grill and grilled it up for a few minutes...mmm, melty PBJB.......

When you pull that sucker off of the grill, watch the fuck out b/c that cheese will be crazy hot.

Thank me in the morning...

the DRUNK AL pb&j

This isn't something I witnessed first hand, but I know everyone involved and believe everything to be true, so here we go.

The Drunk Al is a rather simple take on the pb & j. All you'll need is two slices of bread (white and on the verge of going stale for maximum results,) some peanut butter (creamy or chunky, it don't matter,) and your choice of jelly (I'm digging strawberry lately.) In order to really understand this sandwich one must channel the spirit of Drunk Al. You can only make it when you're fucked up, so start drinking a good 24 hours prior to the meal. Smoking grass will work and if you're feeling really adventurous maybe smoke just a little bit of crack. Now you're ready to begin. Go into the kitchen alone. Set the two pieces of bread next to each other. Spread the jelly on one slice of bread and the peanut butter on the other. Now, if you're lucky, a roommate / friend / coworker will stumble in the kitchen, unnoticed by you. Take the piece of bread with the jelly on it and place it, jelly side up on the slice of peanut butter. I have gone through the trouble of showing you what this should look like (separated) via Microsoft paint:

Now, look at what you've done and proclaim out loud: "How the FUCK do you fuck up a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?!" Then go to your room, alone, and eat in shame. Bon appetit!

peanut butter & jellys!

I guess I should've made this post yesterday, but it was labor day and I was hungover / drunk. Anyway, the world is functional yet again now that school is back in session. All the annoying, not to mention ugly, little shit kids are locked back up once again in their eight hour prison known as school. I'm so thankful that period of life is behind me, especially since I'm living the dream (editor's note: I'm not.) In the spirit of going back to school I declare this week PEANUT BUTTER and JELLIES week! Brennen and I will be posting nothing but different variations of the old stand-by. I can tell you already that peanut butter or jelly can be thrown at any time, only for the reason that we don't give a fuck. It should also go without saying that all pb&j's should be washed down with an ice cold glass of milk, unless you're into being a knob.